Wow, what a wringer that turned out to be!Bolts coming undone, I was brought to my kneethis spincycle inward, and all I could seewas shrapnel of psyche that used to be melonging to be freeI rose off the groundand I fell into awe of this freedom I foundFriggin' flow your devotionhail and host your e-motionwhile guzzling dizzying gallons of potionturn (it) up, turn (it) out, turn (it) inturns out to be bedazzelin'!My outer disruptor(falsely perceived as emotional damage)- so sorry I dropped her - tried hard to stay unseendespite of it all stands tall and happily married my inner queenhallefrigginlujahI.A.m

Testing testing one two threehere we go, follow melets bring this fucker to its knee'cause freedom is out there and mine, you see (blessed are the hypocrites outwitted, but she never quits)bind yer border set your boundariesfix the frontier firm your floundriesmark the margins mirror the meandraw the outline scrub the scene(c'mon girl let's get it right let's get it right let's get it right)fuck and faze the pharaseeblow up the blimy heresy banter your bits as loud as you canwind em all up and stick to the plan(I'm with me and man oh manif I can't find me no one can) I.A.m

Contemplating why life (and me) try'n to derail, won't let me prevail, seedisruptively tripping balls keep me banging into wallsPLOING PLOPswimmin' in yer cup till every drop dried upletting it all fall awayOH NO"you can stay, you can stay!''Trying to blend out but the background keeps mimicking me- lousy karma karma chamaeleoidae - I know I forgot, but I don't know what it is I forgottrying to inhabit the infinite plottasting my off-ish inclinationsblurting spells and incantationshaving a dance-off with space dunno how to ignore or what to chase(easy does it dear, have no fear, the truth must be in here) What else must I slay, and chissle awayfeigned and unexplainedpretend to have my bearings gainedEeny, meeny, miny, moeI have no clue and I told me so I.A.m

My she that I Am and always was meegging me on relentlesslyholding my hand, having my backyank me off the beaten tracksteered me in when I wanted out'' Come on come on babyLet me show you what I'm talking about ''into the world beyond the world to seekept wiggin' me out relentlesslywho would have known the key to beme smiling at meI.A.m

We are lost on the insideand know to head for the lightbut still, we waverwe've mastered the grief below, sostaying down feels safer'till the red hawktells you in no uncertain squackit is timeto walk your talk

BliblablooI am me and so are youlet's hop, skip and scuttle throughscrew the persuedon't let the suckers mock us'stead devise a ruckusflash bam alakazamcatch me if you can can!(what are you doing with your life? It is a surprise!)tut tut whack society on the butt- strut 'n giddy up - pooh-pooh the petty pretty updon't die before yer deadnow shoo, get out of my head- the hodgepodge is quite severe -hop skip jump along, nothing to see here this mess is kinda shady- said the funny lady - I.A.m

Rarely was a fairy more feathered     or daintily tetheredto the life she had gatheredthan the uprooted earthling dancing on the lining - the silver lining -looking back at me I am assuredis fine(fleeting fusses withstanding besides I'm sure there's a rebirth in there somewhere)but for nowbarely thereI.A.m

Go on...have funjust keep moving hununtil you stumble into the light(screw the fright) undergo the embrace of a full body hugto thaw the raw bugof frozen grown up gloom (handed down heirloom)Ring a ring o' rosesthe dread that light exposesit's on you it's on youand we all fall throughI'm havin a dance-off with my darknessI.A.m

That time of daynightwhen darkness doubles up on daylightsoft feet shuffle and gravity gets relinquishedin quiet surrenderwhooshswaying aimlessly for a bitin repetitive certaintyone will have to break the otherI.A.m

Me, and whom I ought to beripped by, risen from the seachewed through ropes, drifted freegoing down, only to surfaceand come up for airin an abandoned placedabble delightedsoothing smile on my facethe sun warms my wings while the wind blows em drydeliberating if I even wanna go fly no need to decideI allow me to hidewithin my embracedawdle serene smile on my facethe spaceof walkin' trough the golden gatedon't be late, just gowatching endless skies turn indigo(as are my eyes)and let it be soknowI.A.m 

Hmmwhat matter is she made of?(dunno, but pretty sure it's pink) 

She roamsand she giggles when she roamsexploring unseen homesstepping through portals of lives pastweavingin and out of placesleavingshards of soul strewn abouton run-down staircasessteadily more lost than foundforever scattered 'roundthe 'paradeisou lemonia'I.A.m

Someone told me thatthere was a fork in my road aheadbut that's not possible, I saidbecause I am not on a roadI floaton sunlight beams and winterdreamsaimlesslyit seems

Once again I findthe outer world not speaking its mind while unrelenting mumbling of inner speak as hostileas it ever washydromancy seepage ruining the canvasfierce flaming fervour a faux pas(ssshhhh...simmer down!)Posh permeable truth of theatricalityis whispering fabricated falsehoods - 'you got this, sure you got this!' - a hissa fizzfollowed by grim silencedeathlyseismic subsidencewidensshattering schism of realityhermeticallyreplacing the basicalityof trust (at some point I had this, I'm sure I had this)lostby me*I.A.m

Let'spursue the sinuous path up to the mound that grew our world askewfortuity flies in latitudin' libertyfowling thebeloved squawk of the hawkhover and divebe aliveLet's overstep track the crack of the no trail find love in an undosed exhalepussyfootin' feline sprintin' up the beelinehawking downsmell your blood cuz it's like minescour the flowerto devourthe hawk and the pantherhigh circle sly canterdon't slide or fear walkin' by my sidedon't fear walkin' by my sideon you I am countin'let's go tell the mountaingo tell the mountain

Mewatching the faceless methat only her-story can seemaintaining muse of memory''the breeze by your heelson the abyss of nothingnessbetter match the grip of your toes''she woes...and I don't understandI do not understandDecidedly - yet kind of aloof - Miss Clio berates me''your history is who you'd beif it weren't for mefucking with your sanity''(ehm...say what?)

I have the words to spare -in fact they overflow - I just can't figure out wherethey are supposed to goso they fluster confused and linklusterand cluster my brain till they bust herBOOMall my bla bla's blurting out on the floor makin' a ruckus with words I adoreso for the duration of this altercationwithout communication I'm stupified and reachless- believe me I tried - but I'm speechless

For the scope of the hope of the foolwho'll bareenlightenment in dreams bright 'n fair-stretched out as smoke suspended midair-will I fall, will I fly and oh will I dareto skip hop 'n jump and really not careHustle here, hustle thereHustle me bitch and you best bewareit's emotionalthis bodacious rise and fallloop de loopin' overhaulbut hey, you gotta keep movin' after allin spite of any bawling brawlsoduck for the morning star ballfor the scope of no hope is unbearable.

out of the blue emerged she who was led to surface todo what she came here to do(sometimes you just gotta do scary so as not to let scary do you) and all kinds of limbs just grewthe uninformed prince never knewthat her fragments bestrewtheir walk of life askewwhich, of course, is nothing newbut her soul flew the coupand she started to spewmemories of everything that blew throughthe completion that it came tophewtime to grow her tail anewand re-escape into the blueI.A.m

(do a slap dance do a slap dance do a do a do a slap dance)

I am out of sight!Out of mind? Or is it lost? I cried?mostly...I might be invisible!vibrational unobtainable? Blow brainable?ghastly unpertainable(and I can hear just em say:)The girl was never thereIt's always the sameI'm running towards nothingAgain and again and again and again...but I was there and I Am herecometh hither eyes no fearyearning for spacious shelteredness I professto long for uncontrolled falling apartcome undone, sprawl my heart no seas cortés(cut the fuckin forstalling!)all I need to figure out nowis how to pull my feet upwithout fallingI.A.m

Might my head - my mighty head -simmer down in silent steaddrawing freehand waving lineflawing through this brain o'mineon loosely tethered lifeline watch the wildchild's birthing*Ooh and it's nice out here I think I'll stay for a while*

lift arms up slowly through the air move em back and: rownowhere to paddle to though...solift arms up slowly through the airmove em back and there we go...breathing slow sips of sunshineresonating in water-muffled ears -no desire to be shifting gears-paddling on and the world is mineall is fine, reality kinda dissapearslift arms back up to the skyblink the salt out of yer eyemove em back and rowin a steady flowmoving along dear, nothing to see here there's only this faint and unclear being-bit-in-the-rear-fear'cause I don't knowwhat lurksin the vast endlessness belowadriftI.A.m

Restaking my claim to sanitywith barbed wired roses, you seespectors are tatingobliteratingand I don't want them anywhere near meI need you to fine'ly uncover mewith care and kid gloves and you'll seeme dangling on the precipiceof civilizationoblationthere's a time, there's a place for me

I used to be verschmeltzt with the nightungoverned I bloomed, undaunted my stridemany dark corners in many dark placesbellowing laughter, familiar facesdiggin' the git up ready to lit upfizzle ma thizzle dance the night awayletting my hips and my heartbeat swaytrippin the floor with its red squares of lavamy introverted idiotleading my macha bravaloving every drag of every cigaretteand let's not forget, I was a fabulous drinker toome and youJägermeister drowned in beerI saw your face and knew no fearwrapping up nights unfurledmellow out on top of the world (or was it buildings?) in a world berefteversince you leftI.A.m

susurrus us as susurration bawdy tweedle da de badhanfuddled unswaddled waddletwaddle tweaked bamboozled meekit is donethe unsettled battledthe ordered ordinarinessunscathed escape imperforate not a day to soon

(la la la la la la la lapull back the curtain)Steppingout

DammitI tried to contain but outgrew myselfgeez what a mess I must confessand eventhough I squeeze a bitI try! I do! I just won't fitnimble ego (playing miss) shytook her off the shelf in a drive bysoothed the awakening self while in dancing deluge spirit is spilling overand over(and over and over)gravity caught in a game oftuggawar with the etherealand both are winningexpanding soul playingpainbody whack a moledoused dragon on a wire can't help but breathe fireflaming feisty fulminationdon't need your approvaldon't mind the abhorfuck all thatand let me Kali some moreI.A.m

And againI wrecked my jaw in soundless screamingclawing my eyes shut for missing the dreaming''I wanted to get out of hereBut every time I reappearNow I have the words my dearTo whisper out into your ear'''just take a breath!'incite my wrathif you mustfor nothing here is justand againI sighdunno whybut I can whistle while I cryI.A.m

Curveballsthat wretched'you + not good enough'carefully chiseled in ya boleeffortlessly turns into'I am not good enough'polishing a hole in ya soul...- damn that's col' - ...draft always gushing through thehole fluting brash out of tune soundsand you attempting to plug it with dust bunnies hoppin' around in your headuntil you decide..nah uh...not this rabbithole again!- and the darkest hour is just before dawn - that floaty moment...not quite able to move yetbut if you dream just loud enough the dawn egg breaksdaylight flooding through the cracksshe-wolf ends her song at the moonas she dances homeon dragon eggshellsand just like thatsnap!you become unclenchedableto flip the 'I am not good enough'right back to 'you're not good enough'disposed and returned to senderin gracecuzwholeI.A.m

Lemme show ya some truthand I'll tell you some liesand bop bopwill mix em rightup in disguise Let me be stupidwhile you try to be wiseand sassefrazzlesock em in the eyeguysfor'If you have to askyou'll never know'that I told you a lieand have told you soI.A.m

In thrilling warble singsteller of all things'if you want to die, you simply have to stop livingbutif you want to live you surely have to stop dying,it is that easy love'andshe flew off

Encore once more I wake upmove eat speak walk think laugh curse eat walk feeland for fuck's sakesmile(stradling the tightrope of lunacyin always unravelling strivebecause in the safety of normalcyyou will never feel fully aliveshoving your whole life in barrowwalkin' the rope that is freakishly narrowmakes it hard to breathe in comforttightassed striving onforth)my hand bobbin on the wave goodbyeheart on the flymy feet stuck in wet sandwhile in the endmy spirit moves ontill I'm goneI.A.m

One day I poked my mindthrough the fabric of possibilitiesI didn't even know were therein the wake of my heart I findan endless sea of feasabilitiesand I want 'em all I swearso I swivel soulboundand in my depths I foundmy own gatesurrender to ma own fateawryI let my dragons flydialed inI.A.m

broken mirrors eyes glossed over in a stare(so you do not care, better not care!)lined up in a perfect row so you knowwhat to think and where to gocuz if yer not then you can't playthe muddeled maladjusted waythere's no sway once yer out yer there to stay logic malignedfeelings flatlinedmonomania rocked in greya world in glorious decay'It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonderhow I keep from going under'

You may think it is time to press 'fast forward' dearpay no attention to the scenery herein the now, surfing the pastno clue if this will pass or lastPress pauze and be right where you arecontemplate past and present from afarI know time just whizzez by so fastbut babythis present time shall last and lasthey wewhy do we live in such a hurrytake some time to breathe not worryand maybecurb your longing for yesteryearupwards and onwardschin up no fear'cause you may wind upseeappriciate who you are nowand claim theeI.A.m

Can I please just sit here for a whilestill and motionlessjust sit without a forced on smileand have all my emotions clashCould you please just have my backstay still and word'less feel your hand just below my neckjust until it hurts lessI've dishonored my sacred spacein countless and repetitious waysbut no moregraciously I decline the crazeand thereforafter feeling my way through the hazeI find myself in a dazeno moreI.A.m